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Tue. December 12.2000 12:00 AM EST |
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Pumping Iron: The Soundtrackby C. Bottomley |
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With the holiday season finally over, now it's time to squeeze into those leotards and see how much damage the turkey and creamed onion has done. Oo. It doesn't look good, does it? But before you throw yourself into repetitions and squat
So in our continuing crusade to create a race of superbeings - we mean, rid the world of fat forever - we urge you get the following get-up-and-go tracks onto a mix tape and throw it into a nearby boom box. Soon you too can have a body like ... well, like somebody who has been working out for a while. And there's no Richard Simmons necessary. The best workout songs? Why they would be as follows: 1. Olivia Newton-John - "Physical" Like, duh. Olivia Newton-John released this jazzercise classic in 1981, just as Jane Fonda was trying to make everyone forget Vietnam with her popular series of workout videos. Despite Newton-John's demand to "let me hear your body talk," any impure thoughts about the Australian singer are still very wrong. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 2. C+C Music Factory - "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)" Music made by two guys who clearly like spot-checking each other. This dynamic rap/dance track from 1990 even references everyone's favorite glandular secretion in the title and chorus, a vocal sample of Martha Wash. Ironically, as a member of the group Two Tons o' Fun, Wash could definitely do with reading Dr. Atkins. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 3. Salt 'N Pepa - "Push It" No one has ever done chin-ups to Bob Dylan. Because when you're trying to burn calories, the last thing you're worried about are Rimbaud references. Which is why Salt 'N Pepa's lyrical chant from 1987 makes the grade. The two Queens, N.Y., rappers even appear to gasp along with you during the chorus. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 4. Wreckx-N-Effect - "Rump Shaker" This one works in four ways. First of all, it refers to the most sensitive of cellulite-ridden areas. Second, this male rap group praises the gluteus maximus to such an extent that you kind of feel embarrassed to be sitting on it. Third, envious thoughts of all those arses in the heavily rotated 1992 video are bound to make you feel ashamed to eat that Twinkie. Fourth, producer Teddy Riley's groove is irresistible. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 5. Survivor - "Eye of the Tiger" When working out, it's best to hold an ideal in your mind to aspire to. And who better than Philadelphia's favorite son, Rocky Balboa? When he needed to get himself into shape to swap leather with Mr. T in 1982's Rocky III, all he had to do was turn up the soundtrack, run on the beach with Apollo Creed, and - viola - he had the eye of the tiger. Please do not attempt to steal an eye from any real tigers, however. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 6. The Village People - "YMCA" The Village People helped armchair warriors run down to the place where they could "hang out with all the boys" back in 1978 with this definitive No. 2. Among the YMCA's other benefits were "You can get yourself clean/ You can have a good meal/ You can do whatever you feel." You could also find a few unexpected uses for hand lotion. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 7. Madonna - "Express Yourself" As recent films like Girlfight and Love & Basketball have shown, there's nothing quite as satisfying as beating the guys at their own game - even if it means having a stomach that looks like a xylophone. Madonna got buff for her "Open Your Heart" video in 1986, but her girl power was eloquently expressed in this horn-heavy 1989 No. 2. But please - when you look like WWF wrestler Chyna, it's time to stop. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 8. Snap! - "The Power" Producers Michael Muenzing and Luca Anzilotti were so impressed by "Gonna Make You Sweat" that they flipped the rock-heavy rhythm around, and added a singer who shouted "I've got the power!" and a dodgy rapper who claimed to be the "lyrical Jesse James." It was a 1990 No. 2, and its driving beat put a little Nietzschean Wille zur Macht in all our lives. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 9. Montell Jordan - "This Is How We Do It" How exactly did the 6'8" singer from Los Angeles do it? On this 1995 No. 1, he says, "All hands are in the air/ And wave them from here to there." Although this primal call to action is as old as Brooklyn, it's an effective way of toning up those biceps. Or perhaps it's just the clever Slick Rick sample. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 10. House of Pain - "Jump Around" Kicking off with a horse's whinny that sounds exactly like a gym teacher's whistle, this song shows that pseudo-Irish rappers House of Pain may not have been too handy with the blarney, but that they knew what gets people moving. This DJ Muggs-produced hip-hop smash from 1992 defied you to stand still with a sample taken from Bob & Earl's "Harlem Shuffle." See also: Kris Kross' "Jump." CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 11. KC & the Sunshine Band - "That's the Way (I Like It)" Uhh-huh. Uhh-huh. Singer/keyboardist Harry Casey keeps the IQ points down and the metabolism up with this 1975 disco sensation. The aural equivalent of a gallon of Gatorade. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 12. Prince - "I Would Die 4 U/Baby I'm a Star" Apparently you burn 90 calories an hour during vigorous sex. That figure is sure to appeal to Prince, who segued these greased-up funk numbers from 1984's Purple Rain together for maximum pumping appeal. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 13. Queen - "Another One Bites the Dust" Freddie Mercury's interest in working out coincided with the addition of Chic's "Good Times" to his record collection. Brian May's guitar breaks put the adrenaline in this 1980 piece of triumphalism. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 14. Michael Jackson - "Don't Stop Till You Get Enough" Is it the swirling strings? The ecstatic "whoo"? Or Michael Jackson's falsetto explaining he's "melting like hot candle wax"? For God's sake, take those leg warmers off then, you silly man. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 15. Fatboy Slim - "Going Out of My Head" Before "Who Let the Dogs Out," sports highlight clips used this "I Can't Explain"-sampling feet-shaker. The English DJ's beats and visions of Terry Bradshaw are enough to make any workout enthusiast lose it. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 16. Public Enemy - "Fight the Power" Remember when rap was actually aggression combined with a beat that seemed intent on sinking Manhattan? If you don't, grab yourself a punching bag and this anthem from the summer of 1989. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 17. Tina Turner - "The Best" Because you, bent over double, in sweat-soaked leotards, with every muscle in your body screaming out like a tortured soul in that level of hell where the thumbscrews are located and stars colliding inside your pupils, are the best. Oh yes, you are. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 18. Chumbawamba - "Tubthumping" You get knocked down. You get up again. Ain't nothing going to knock you out. Fairly self-explanatory, although these English anarchists would probably decry exercise as fascism. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 19. Anything from the Perfect soundtrack The movie was far from flawless, and helped bury John Travolta's career for a decade. But who better than Wham!, Kiss, and Joan Armatrading to make you look like Jamie Lee Curtis? Frankly, anybody. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN 20. Van Morrison - "Bein' Green" A rock artist who is probably fond of the odd bacon sandwich provides you with a post-workout reminder that sometimes looks aren't everything. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN |
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Olivia Newton-John |
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Survivor |
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Village People |
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Madonna |
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Snap |
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Montell Jordan |
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House of Pain |
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Prince |
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Queen |
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Michael Jackson |
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Fatboy Slim |
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Public Enemy |
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Chumbawamba |
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Van Morrison |
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