Who I Heart

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on Valentines Day…

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I heart Christina Aguilera for finally settling down and only being dirrty with one man for the rest of her life. Theoretically.

I heart Kevin James, because without his star power there’s no way that Hitch would’ve been the #1 movie in America this past weekend, guaranteed.

I heart Chris Rock for declaring that only gay people watch the Oscars, because now I have an excuse not to tune in.

I heart Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony for re-enacting a Spanish soap opera scene at the Grammys last night, even though I didn’t understand a word of it.

I heart Corey Feldman, but not as much as Michael Jackson did. Allegedly.

I heart steroids, but not as much as Jose Canseco, Mark McGuire, Ivan Rodriguez, and Raphael Palmeiro did. Allegedly.

I heart Ray Charles, and I think it’s sad that he passed away prior to last night’s Grammys and missed out on seeing how much we all loved him. Of course, if he did make it to last night’s Grammys he still wouldn’t have been able to see how much we all loved him, but you know what I mean.

I heart Jessica Simpson, and I’m going to heart her even more when she’s on the rebound.

I heart Jack Bauer on 24 because he’s the only person who could save the world four times without ever raising his voice above a barely audible whisper.

I heart Houston, because honestly, who needs two eyes?

And I heart the producers of last night’s Grammy Awards for immediately cutting to Jon Secada and Ricky Martin following the J-Lo/Marc Anthony duet, thereby capturing every participant of the late 1990′s  "Latin explosion" on camera in a total of 3 1/2 seconds (sans Iglesias.) Good job, guys.

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