I guess it wasn’t a joke after all. Credible news sources (and by ‘credible’ we mean ‘more credible than this blog’) have gotten on top of things to report that White Stripes singer Jack White and model Karen Elson were indeed married…in a canoe. I think the canoe is supposed to be symbolic, but I’d be damned if I knew for what.
Cameron Diaz is suing The National Enquirer for more than $10 million for claiming that she cheated on boyfriend Justin Timberlake. I miss the days when you just took them out back and beat them with a stick. I’m a firm believer that violence will solve anything, or at the very least make for great television.
Michael Jackson collapsed when someone called him a "predator" in his Santa Maria courtroom. Where did that person get off calling him names like that? What did Michael Jackson ever do to you, huh? And while we’re on the subject, why was Michael Jackson in a courtroom? Unpaid parking tickets? Did I miss something?
Tom Cruise to be ‘dumped’ by Mission Impossible? Something tells me that it won’t be the only thing to dump him this month.
Meanwhile back in crazy town, Chris Martin of Coldplay is breaking out in hives over the Crazy Frog ring tone that’s beating the new Coldplay single on the UK charts. I hope you learned a valuable lesson, Chris: If you want to be popular, fewer weepy love ballads, more "Beverly Hills Cop" style sythensizers on your next record. Thank you.