Pope Benedict Arnold to give up papacy to become a fireman. In a bizarre twist, firemen everywhere are forced to wear that ridiculous Pope hat.
The new Coldplay album debuts at number one this week but don’t expect the title to last, as an album of Super Annoying Ringtones Volume 1 is set to drop next week.
Big Bird and LeVar Burton will be looking for new jobs if all Federal funding for Public Broadcasting is cut. Bob Ross would roll over in his grave if only his tremendous afro didn’t get in the way. (and yes, that’s the second Bob Ross reference in as many weeks. I’m just gonna come out and say it: Bob Ross is is the new pink.)
Bob Geldof directs hackers to attack Ebay after Live 8 tickets went up for sale. Soon after hackers google "Bob Geldof", they simply shrugged it off and resumed downloading porn.
Kid Rock is being sued by a Dj. Both men seem to be totally okay with telling the press that they got into a fight at a strip club on a Friday night. I…I didn’t know strip clubs were a good place to admit to being at on a Friday night. Oh wait… It was a Monday night! Carry on. My bad.
Jermaine Jackson: "My brother is at peace, stop picking on him…Tito…yo…get me a tissue! TITO!"
Kirstin Dunst is dating again (and no it’s not Jake Gyllenhaal or as I used to know him until the BWE blog "that dude from Donnie Darko"). She warned potential suitors that her friendship with Jake is forever and ever, kind of like herpes, but much, much moodier.
Britney Spears is engaged again. Hmm. Maybe J-Lo isn’t the celebrity you should be following in the footsteps of sweetie-bear.
Michael Caine wants a bigger "bat role". Hey Mike, don’t you know it’s not the size of your bat role but how you use it that matters.