Morning Quick Hits: Confusing Sex, Tigers and Big Ol’ Butts

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Tom Cruise confessed he doesn’t like sex outside a relationship because he finds it "confusing". He has a hard time figuring out who’s supposed to be the woman.

Starbucks is selling bootleg Bob Dylan coffee house recordings… coincidentally, recorded in other coffee houses.

USDA fails to find the cause of the tiger attack on Roy Horn. Oh HEY, USDA! You want to know why the tiger attacked Horn? It’s…because he’s a f***king TIGER.

Christopher Walken says that a good marriage is based on timekeeping. Of course, anybody would pay more attention to their watch if that uncomfortable piece of metal was up their ass for two years.

Fox News thinks a "new watergate" would be unlikely due to today’s journalistic ethics regarding unnamed sources. In other news, apparently Fox News has journalistic ethics. Who knew?

Jennifer Aniston may quit Hollywood to pursue other interests such as fashion, hair styling and particle physics.

Mexico to let citizens cast votes by mail.  What could possibly go wrong?

Lance Armstrong is all set to launch his own clothing line. The French have already demanded drug tests for all seamstresses involved.

J-Lo campaign not working well in Africa, as young girls are trying to lose their posteriors.  And Sir Mix-a-Lot weeps.. a-lot.