Wednesday Quick Hits

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Angelina Jolie adopts an Ethiopian orphan. Oh really? Well, if you call within the next 30 minutes to adopt me, Ms. Jolie. We’ll even throw in a FREE Sport Illustrated Football Phone!  Operators are standing by…(the time is now)

London
gets the 2012 Olympics.  France surrenders.

Colonel Mustard, in the senior citizen’s center, with a candlestick.

Britney
wants to rush a new album to stores cause Cletus Federline has spent all her money.

Prince Albert
admits he had a child with a stewardess, also admits it would have been better to put it in her can…

Martha Stewart claims her prison nickname was ‘M. Diddy’ after constructing a lace-lined escape tunnel using a single punch ladle.