Everybody Must Get Stoned



You know how every one in a while when you’re talking to your friends you run out of things to talk about? After you’ve talked about all the girls, or boys, or sports, or gossip you can handle, eventually you hit a lull in the conversation. Now, sometimes you let that lull play itself out and don’t do anything about it and sooner or later something will come up. Other times, you say the first thing that pops into your mind to eradicate any awkwardness, no matter how ridiculous it is. Even if it’s something insane like "Hey, I think Harry Potter is the Bob Dylan of his generation."

Of course, I’m sure that if you said that your friends would think that you were high. Or stoned. Or drunk. Or quite possibly, Joel Garreau of the Washington Post.

Bob_dylanMr. Garreau must have been in the midst of a long awkward silence when he decided to write a column about how Harry Potter is this generation’s Dylan. I think he makes it pretty clear that he was searching for something to say when he makes declarations like like, "Today’s kids are processing these revolutionary times through their Dylan, the ringing anthem that is the story of Harry Potter" and "Harry is the herald who offers a moral code in times of great upheaval that vibrates to this generation the way the early Dylan still echoes in the lives of boomers."

Wow. Can I get a hit?

After reading the article all the way through, I decided that I like this Garreau guy. He was able to take a crazy idea and make some sense out of it. Take a look. It makes me wonder, though, could this work the other way around? If the voice of a generation has been passed from a real live musician to a fictional magician, would it be possible to equate modern day celebrities with fictional characters we grew up with? I think you could. And hey, even if you couldn’t, at least this would end a long awkward silence. Here’s what I came up with, assuming that Harry Potter = Bob Dylan.

James (of James & The Giant Peach) - Conor Oberst… he’s so alone… so depressed. He just needs an escape from this horrible world. Sing about it James, sing about it.

The Hardy Boys -  Together they did wonderful things, but when they were separated bad things started happening. That’s why they’re Eddie Van Halen and David Lee Roth.

Sweet Valley High Twins - They were both popular, smart and gorgeous. However, while Elizabeth was friendly and sincere, Jessica was snobby and conniving. So it’s obvious that Hilary Duff and Paris Hilton are the Sweet Valley twins of this generation. (This only works, of course, assuming that Paris isn’t actually "The Giving Tree." Does anybody give more than that girl? I don’t think so)

Superfudge - He’s annoying, he’s more trouble than he’s worth, he’s Fred Durst.

Ramona Quimby - Ramona always had a healthy imagination. She was a bit of a loose cannon. And one time after getting off an airplane she physically assaulted a reporter who asked her how her flight was. So that’s why she’s Bjork.

Are there more? Sure. But now I’m tired of talking. So it’s your turn. Do it up.

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