Thursday Afternoon Quick Hits

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Wonka

Johnny Depp surprised that his latest character, a pasty, androgynous weirdo with a penchant for little kids, reminds people of Michael Jackson. The Oompa Loompa named Bubbles didn’t help, either.

Jessica Alba tells the press of her steamy french kiss… with a monkey. What happened to that whole not kissing and telling thing? Monkeys count damnit.

Canada legalizes gay marriage nationwide. Husbands stop loving wives, society crumbles…

Japaneshe reshearchers unlock myshteries of drunkenenness/.

Volvo asks Swedish government if they could drive drunk. Not to be outdone, BMW asks German government if it’s cars could offer Weizenbock on tap.

And now for the "Worstest Album Covers Ever III". Umm, it just got worstier?

Late breaking proof of R. Kelly’s innocence!