Thursday Morning Quick Hits

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Varney2b

Playboy finally leaves the stone age and will publish digital edition starting on September 13. 16 year old boys everywhere are rejoicing!

Brad Pitt hires PR guru to announce his romance with Angelina Jolie; as if we didn’t know about it already. Perhaps he should have found another PR representative to talk to other than Tom Cruise’s…just an idea.

MTV might not let Nine Inch Nails sing a political song but they have no problems letting R.Kelly sing at this year’s VMAs.  Hmm Interesting, ever wonder what the difference is between them? Nine Inch Nails pisses people off while R. Kelly pisses on people!

Justin
Timberlake
wins libel damages over claim that he cheated on Cameron
Diaz. Which he didn’t. So be careful not to libel him in the comment section.
True statements only. Like "he’s got a tiny, tiny penis. Minuscule,
really".

Microsoft
signs movie deal for Halo – Ebert & Roeper surrender.

Olivia Newton-John’s
boyfriend may be alive and scandalous. Cha Cha DiGregorio wanted for questioning.

Renee Zellweger really misses her breasts. So I am going to take a few days off work to help her find them again. They have to be around here somewhere.

And lo, 19 years ago Earnest Goes to Camp was unleashed upon the land.
And it was a troubled time, war, famine, Britney Spears, y’know what I
mean Vern?