Thursday Morning Quick Hits

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Murder_inc

Part man. Part machine. All professor. Syracuse U. PhD candidate Peter
"Robocop" Weller
has role as expert commentator on History Channels’s
Rome: Engineering an Empire. In other news ED209 to host Jeopardy.

Katie Holmes
considers changing her name to "Kate Cruise", both
personally and professionally; reportedly okay with that whole
"sounding like a male prostitute" thing.

Murder Inc
thought to be behind 50 Cent, Jam Master Jay shootings; at least they won’t be sued for false advertising.

GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO!

  Enough about the "S" being too small.  Movie-makers spend a month getting Superman’s package just right.

School district shocked to find kids are wagering lunch money on spider
fights
. Don King reportedly trying to lure black widow spiders to sign
with him.

Ballroom
dancing champion

   goes on a drunken rampage, tries to kill partner with
the kind of smooth grace not seen since the allemande graced the dance
halls of Vienna.

Arnold Schwarzenegger rejects gay marriage legislation, claiming that
professional weight lifting offers enough homoeroticism on its own.

Bad: Chinese restaurant offers possibly illegal stir-fried tiger meat
dish
. Worse: It’s actually donkey meat dressed with tiger urine.