Thursday Afternoon Quick Hits

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Donald Trump to make appearance on a Soap Opera, his comb-over holds out for more money and it’s own trailer.

Marky Mark claims lots of men follow him into the john to check out his
johnson. Patrons at the Man Hole and Blue Oyster are unavailable for
comments.

Swiss Death Metal band Almagortis releases "Chainsaw Ass Massacre,"
raising question of which is funnier: "Chainsaw Ass Massacre" or "Swiss
Death Metal."

Gwyneth Paltrow is teaching her daughter Apple to speak Spanish. Preparing her for a life of being called Manzana.

Okay. Try to read this story without cracking a smile. I double dog dare you: Paul McCartney’s wife loses her leg after attempting to crash a J.Lo
fashion show
when she tried to preach to Mrs. Lopez about the evils of wearing fur only to be kicked out by security before reattaching her leg.

TV chef Rachel Ray is now engaged. This means she can finally start eating what she cooks.

Indian girl weds lover’s brother to beat the law. Looks like call centers aren’t the only thing Arkansas is outsourcing.

Zookeepers
install seven-ton treadmill to keep isolated female elephant
from getting fat. She will likely just use it to hang the clothes from her
trunk.