Monday Morning Quick Hits

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Elton John has opened a new musical on Broadway. It wasn’t the first thing that Elton John has ever opened on Broadway.

Speaking of Broadway, Oprah Winfrey plans on producing a musical based on “The Color Purple.” Anything CAN happen!

The Ying Yang twins have signed on to star in their first feature film, titled “ViagraFalls.” Method Man and Redman roll over in their graves. Um, they’re dead, right?

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Lindsay Lohan has admitted that she was dangerously thin earlier this year. Good. Step one is admitting you have a problem. Now, step two is getting that incredible rack back. Let us know if there’s anything we can do to help.

George Michael said he once wrecked Christmas mass by stumbling in drunk and farting. He acknowledges that it was so much worse than that time he made out with his cousin Maeby.