Monday Morning Quick Hits

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American Idol winner Fantasia Barrino reveals in her new book that she’s illegiti…illici…she can’t read. In related news Reuben Studdard releases high impact fitness video.

Having not seen her name in the news for 48 hours, Paris Hilton breaks off engagement.

Enrique Iglesias voted sexiest bachelor. Uhh..Yes, nice to mole you. Meet you! Nice to meet your mole. Don’t say mole. I said mole.

Xena discovered to be orbited by Gabrielle. Scientists insist they are just good friends…Nerds everywhere snicker.

Santa Claus receives $5k for fly-by death of reindeer. In other news, Santa exists and has a checking account.

Melissa Etheridge is developing ABC sitcom. This groundbreaking sitcom will feature Etheridge in a role destined to open America’s eyes to homosexuality as a single gay woman named Melissa…just trying to live life, her way. My magic mirror says this show will last half a season only to pave the road for a hit morning talk show called ‘Melissa’. Think of the morning talk show ‘Ellen’ but with Ethridge’s notorious sense of humor…