BWE has obtained a letter written by Daniel Craig (the new Bond) to his fans. Here it is, unedited.
Dear Bond Fans,
The initial consensus seems to be one of overwhelming disapproval in regards to my casting as the new 007. I completely sympathize with your outrage. I will freely admit that I have no right to be playing this part. Letâ€™s be honest, Iâ€™m not really attractive. If I walked by myself on a street I probably wouldnâ€™t check out my own ass. So there goes that qualification.
My resume didnâ€™t really suggest that I was right for the part either. Iâ€™m actually struggling to name three movies that I was in. The English Patient? Let me check IMDB. Nope, Ralph Fiennes. Hmmmm. I had to be in some super British movie like Love, Actually. Umâ€¦ no, actually. Hmm. Ah, it turns out my big British movie was Elizabeth (you know with Cate Blanchett). That works. Hey, it says here that I was in Road to Perdition! Cool!
So why am I Bond? Well, do you think itâ€™s easy making a career out of tricking people into thinking you’re attractive and getting Jude Lawâ€™s woman to leave him? Actuallyâ€¦ yeah, it kind of is.
Anyway, who the hell was Pierce Brosnan before Goldeneye? Remington Steele was like 30 years ago and Mrs. Doubtfire and The Lawnmower Man arenâ€™t exactly Citizen Kane either, if you know what I mean. Hell, theyâ€™re barely even Layer Cake. And THATâ€™S saying something.
Well, regardless of your â€œopinionsâ€ Iâ€™m Bond. James Bond. And youâ€™re gonna have to deal with that.
(I think thatâ€™s how I spell it)