Listen perverts- even though the new Harry Potter movie is a little darker, and even though it deals with some adult themes, there’s something you have to keep in mind: young Hermoine is still off limits. You can use that tissue now to dry your tears.
I told you– not even close. But hey, you can look on the bright side: at least you have 2 1/2 years to come up with a decent pickup line. Best of luck.