CORN FLAKES: Your Essential Inessentials

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  • A fake Paris Hilton caused a major buzz at NY’s Fashion Week.  Apparently you can now become a celebrity by pretending to be a celebrity who became a celebrity by pretending to be a celebrity.
  • John Mayer says his next album won’t have the "pop sweetness" of current radio hits.  Instead, its gonna be all the hard-rocking, totally shredding metal badassedness that has become synonomous with "John Mayer".
  • Flavor Flav has a crush on Paris Hilton.  Someone please tell him that their coupling is an existential impossibility that would inevitably result in the immediate annihilation of all space and time as we know it. 
  • Nick Lachey speaks out against criticism that his new single "What’s Left of Me" is a cynical attempt to cash in on his highly-publicized split from ex-wife Jessica Simpson.  Lachey insists that the song just "sounded classier" than his other idea, "I f#cked Jessica Simpson and All I Got Was This Stupid Former Miss Kentucky".
  • King Kong star Jack Black claims to have grown up in a sex cult, which is pretty gross but explains a lot.
  • Brittany Murphy claims she didn’t kiss her fiance until after they went on 17 dates. Upon hearing the news, movie studios immediately greenlight new crappy Brittany Murphy movie titled "17 Dates."
  • Scarlett Johansson and Keira Knightley NUDE!!! That should help out our google referrals.
  • B.B. King will give you a signed guitar if you find his lost dog. He’ll also give you a signed guitar if you buy him a hot dog.
  • Gwenyth Paltrow wants Apple (the daughter, not the fruit) to have an American accent because she hates the way Brits pronounce "basil" and and "pasta." We, meanwhile, hate the way she pronounces Anthony.
  • Busta Rhymes may be questioned in relation to the shooting of his bodyguard. But don’t worry, he’s got us all in check.
  • Ashlee Simpson insists that her father is not a control freak. She then looks over her shoulder and mouths "Help me… please… he’s watching us."