We know you’re busy at your job (or pretending to look busy), so we looked all over the web so you won’t have to:

  • David Hasselhoff humps a Pepsi cap. The Brown and Bubbly just got even grosser. (AdRants)
  • Pink says she’s not a Happy Meal like Britney Spears. That’s true. She’s much more of a Whaler or maybe a McRib. (The Superficial)
  • Six-year-old suspended for sexual harassment. How touching. (A Socialite’s Life)
  • Sarasota High School disinvited Jerry Springer to host a dance because he wasn’t "an appropriate role model." Poor Jerry. He had his tux and limo rented and everything. (E!)
  • Tom Cruise is somewhat controlling: “[Katie’s] life from now on [is] going to be about being a mother. I’m not giving her the chance to turn into another Nicole. I’ve got Katie tucked away, so no one will get to us until my child is born — and until I want them to.”  Then he drove away with Katie sitting on his lap. (The Bosh)
  • George Clooney is planning to turn Ocean’s 11 into a TV show. It just keeps getting better for that guy. (Digital Spy)
  • Toys ‘R Us employee says that Britney may or may not have driven without a car seat before. That settles that! (TMZ)
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