Today on Tyra: Tyra searches for Americaâ€™s next â€œTranssexual Top Model!â€ The outrageous Janice Dickinson, former club kid James St. James and drag icon and recording artist Kevin Aviance judge guests in a â€œTop Modelâ€ style competition to decide who will walk away with a Tyra-directed high-fashion photo shoot, a spread in Instinct magazine, and a modeling contract!
If that’s not worthy of a live blog I don’t know what is. I’ll be posting all throughout the show (5-6pm) on behalf of those TV-challenged office-workers who don’t want to miss this monumental event. Check it out after the jump.
5pm: Tyra greets fans with standard hips sway and double handed wave. Todays its America’s next top model but with drag queens. She introduces several beautiful ornate models with wacky names. They are certainly feminine and dare I say hot if you like that sorta thing. But I have a hunch Tyra’s got some tricks up sleeve. (that tyra!)
5:04 The big reveal: they’re guys! For some it’s not so hard to believe, but there is a porcelin skinned-asian woman who clearly had some great work done. no doubt she’s given several men heart attacks or pleasant surprises as the case may be
5:06 now comes the judges: notorious, james st james(a bald affected effeminate man in a pink suit), kevin avion(who’s lack of eyebrows should not puthim in a position to judge others. and our favorite nutjob, janice dickinson.
5:12 The drag girls go to a photo shoot at a roller rink. We learn some of the challenges models face regardless of their gender. Tyra’s got a little cleavage today by the way
5:14 Now wer’e looking at the pictures -top model style. vico looks like a man, as does niki who has that elongated man face. generally speaking they’re all picasos. that’s my hi-brow way of saying ugly up close but interesting as package/.
5:16 janice dickenson looks like marie osmond circa 1974. she just referred to herself as a "photographer" and had an uncomfortable spat with kevin-the no eye-brow guy. she tells him she’ll rip his wig off if he cuts her off when she’s talking. of course, homeboy is bald so it’s an empty promise
5:18 niko, a mannish black transexual got kicked off. he/she is from kenya which means he’s worthy of his own documentary. probably won’t find it on upn though
5:22 now the ‘girls’ have a makeup challenge. they have to put on make up in under 3 minutes. they’re drag queens so this a natural strength. they have 1 bindi dot one makup kit and one mirror. seriously, ghandi is rolling over in his grave. once they put on their makeup they have to do a photo shoot modeled after one of Tyra’s past shoots. because each of Tyra’s fashion shoots are legendary.
5:26 Janice is giving a lecture on i dont know what. she made some off-color pakistani comment too. a pleasant dead silence in the audience.
5:28 ok they just kicked off the hot asian drag queen. they have no tastes. in her defense she says "im a drag queen competeing against transexuals." can someone explain what that means? next up: bikini contest. tyra is excited because she gets to break out the duct tape
5:50 my computer crashed, lost 10 minutes of posts. it’s definitely a sign
5:52: ok they’ve just announced the winner: claudia. she is pretty i have to say in a maxim way and you cant even see her dong in the white swimsuit. here’s what she had to say about her win (cue the sentimental piano) "today is that day when i was able to accomplish that dream. i can look back on my struggles and be so grateful." let look forward and see what she: a cover spread in Instinct magazine and a contract with Janice Dickenson modeling agencey. oh my god. she’ll never be able to walk to down the street again.
5:56 tyra just told us to check out janic dickenson’s one woman show- "what would janice do". oh i most certainly will.