Everyone really seems to be freaking out over the fact that some person in Nebraska still hasn’t claimed their $365 million state lottery jackpot – the highest single winner in US history. Personally, I don’t really see what the big deal is – there are lots of possible explanations for why someone wouldn’t want such a large sum of money. Here are mine:
1. I’m too busy to deal with that kind of money — Look, it’s a holiday weekend and I’ve got a lot of things I’d like to do with my time off from work: visiting with family, BBQ-ing with friends, seeing a movie. Dealing with the headache of claiming 365 million dollars just isn’t one of them.
2. My friend Ted always needs money - If I had access to that kind of scratch, I know my friend Ted would ask me to borrow money, and I’m just really tired of lending money to Ted. Ted’s thirty – it’s time for him to grow up a little, for Pete’s sake.
3. Money can’t buy love – I learned this lesson first from The Beatles’ "Can’t Buy Me Love", then again from the eponymous 80’s film starring Patrick Dempsey – possibly the most harrowing reminder of the dangers of wealth ever captured on film.
4. Money is the root of all evil – (see also: Paris Hilton)
5. Money causes bad luck — Anyone who watches LOST knows that winning the lottery ain’t always a good thing, as illustrated by the misfortunes of Hurley, the fat guy. Why deal with the extreme threat posed by getting stranded on a remote island full of creepy "others" who are constantly trying to kill you when you can just trash your lotto ticket, and stay home watching Saved By the Bell reruns instead?
There you have it – $365 million is pretty over-rated when you think about.