Dear Donald J. Trump,
While perusing the World Wide Web (Information Superhighway) today, I ran across an open letter you wrote to Martha Stewart, lambasting her low-rated, totally inferior version of your hit show, The Apprentice. Frankly, I couldn’t agree with you more.
Martha’s version of the show was a complete trainwreck, whereas your last season of The Apprentice was NBC’s highest-rated show (behind E.R., My Name Is Earl, Las Vegas, Crossing Jordan, Medium and all three incarnations of Law & Order). Where does that glorified soccer mom get off blaming her own failure on a proven television genius like yourself, The Donald?
What Martha Stewart has done is unforgivable. The Apprentice is clearly the smartest, most original and completely amazing program in the history of television and it’s legacy should not be sullied by a grossly commercial, completely vapid show hosted by some ex-con who is also a woman and therefore doesn’t even have the cajones necessary to give moron contestants the kind of firing they deserve. How could aspiring entreprenuers and Red Bull-addled date rapists across the country ever get from Martha the kind of inspiration you’ve been providing for 4 amazing seasons? I know you were the Executive Producer of Martha’s show, but still — it’s her fault.
You should keep your word and actually create a competing daytime talk show to "further destroy the meager ratings Martha already has", as you so magnanimously threatened. Martha’s boring tips on baking and knitting would be no match for the testosterone-and-Rogaine fueled excitement of your constantly firing smart, talented, admirable young conestants in The Boardroom. You should fire Martha really hard.
Your classiness knows no bounds.
Alex C. Blagg
ps. I love your hair.