HEADLINE: "Jessica Alba officially sexy" – Who knew? (Female First) Alba_1

DISTURBING CATCHPHRASE: "Fixin’ to do an R. Kelly" (All Headline News)

DISTURBING R. KELLY ACOLYTE: This complete weirdo who "hides in bathrooms, and drinks people’s urine." (NBC4 – if you’re brave enough)

EMERGED CAVE DWELLER: Illinois Governor – and apparently his staff – who didn’t realize The Daily Show was a comedy spoof.  (AP)

ROCK STARS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS: "Crack makes me happy," said addled rocker Pete Doherty.  Yes, Pete – it makes you happy because IT’S CRACK! (Mirror)

EMBRACING YOUR OWN STEREOTYPE: Some pothead forgot to address a package he mailed containing half a pound of weed.  Might wanna lay of the doobage there, bro.  (AP)

RANDOM BLOG: The Sound of Young America (TSOYA)

SHIRTLESS MYSPACE BRO: "Live like you mean it…"  Or like a douche.  Either way, Eddie.  (MySpace)

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