While You Were Mainlining Espresso

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Michaelcera_1

  • Singer George Michael was arrested for possession of controlled substances.  Police also found a large stash of porn, sex toys and sex masks in the trunk of the vehicle.  Michael was reportedly furious that the officers wouldn’t allow him to take these "jail supplies" into his cell.
  • Kate Moss is now more wealthy than she was before her recent cocaine scandal.  See kids, if you work hard, follow your dreams, and hoover up as much blow as possible, you too can enjoy fame and fortune.
  • Homophobic Clay Aiken fans reportedly want their money back now that they’ve discovered the singer might be gay.  Aiken reps responded with the statement, "What part of flamboyant, girlish, Broadway-obsessed pop singer do you people not understand?"
  • Drew Lachey managed to win "Dancing With the Stars" despite not being a star.
  • Ryan Seacrest managed to make out with a stripper, despite seeming like he actually might be probably sort of gay.
  • Mischa Barton: "I’m not sexy."  Alex Blagg: "Yes, yes you are."