While You Were Preparing Yourself For Fat Tuesday
Bruce Willis is courting model-slash-tsunami-survivor Petra Nemcova. It’s believed he won her over with his "You think you had it rough, you should’ve seen the reviews for Hudson Hawk" line.
- A street in Bakersfield, California has been renamed to honor Korn. The road is said to be fairly contrived, but still a favorite amongst aggressive 15-year-old pubescent males.
- Vice President Dick Cheney expected to retire within the year. Wants to devote more time to shooting people in the face.
- George Clooney swears Roseanne Barr never saw his genitals. That can only mean one thing: they must have done it with the lights out.
- The new Star Trek movie that Trekkies have been waiting for has been cancelled. Sad emoticon usage on the internet skyrockets to record new heights.
- The surviving members of Alice In Chains are reuniting for a series of gigs this summer. One guy in Oregon wearing flannel is stoked.
- Dancing With The Stars fan-favorite Master P will stand trial on felony gun possession charges, proving that the "P" does stand for "Possession" after all.