While You Were Buying Mardi Gras Beads

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  • Hermionebeer
    Paris Hilton
    is convinced she’s going to be going up against Charlize Theron for movie roles. But only if House of Wax 2 has a potential Oscar winning female lead written in, naturally. 
  • 15-year-old Emma Watson has been photographed kind-of drinking beer. Corona doesn’t actually count as beer, does it?
  • Elton John is throwing a lavish Oscar party. In a related story, Elton John is still gay.
  • John Travolta is writing a romantic comedy. Kelly Preston, Xenu being eyed as possible love interests.
  • Jodie Foster will deliver this year’s Commencement Address at the University of Pennsylvania. Her advice to the class of ’06? Rub the lotion on your skin or else you’ll get the hose again.
  • There was a black-out on the set of Regis & Kelly today. And no, it has nothing to do with Regis or alcohol. This time.
  • Eva Longoria is ready to have a baby. Which works out perfectly, because I’m ready to be a father. Call me.