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Rogan
Some poor 20 year-old college student learned a very important lesson today when he made the mistake of sending comedian/reality star Joe Rogan the following MySpace message: 

"Joe Rogan, I hate you…you’re not funny…"

This message, the type one imagines most every public figure receives countless times daily, apparently caused something to snap inside Rogan, as the Fear Factor host launched into an increasingly brutal series of  back-and forth "You’re lame! No, you’re lame!" MySpace messages. 

A few things I learned: 1) Joe Rogan is richer and more successful than the college student.  2) Joe Rogan was a kickboxing champion.  3) Never – EVER – send a nasty MySpace message to Joe Rogan.

Read the entire unedited textual maiming after the jump.

—————– Original Message —————-

From: Kevin

Date: Mar 1, 2006 4:17 PM

Joe Rogan, I hate you… you’re not funny…

—————– Original Message —————–

From: Joe Rogan

Date: Mar 1, 2006 8:07 PM

I love the fact that you need attention so bad that you had to email
me that. That makes me feel happy :) Enjoy your depression. —–

———— Original Message —————–

From: Kevin

Date: Mar 2, 2006 7:59 AM

You really are an idiot… that 15 seconds now these 15 seconds now
equal one-half of a minute that I spent letting you know that you are
not funny… I sent you the message b/c you shamelessly plugged some
gay event, 20 times, that i’m not goign to look at… How many
medications are YOU on and then you tell me who is the depressed
attention-whore… Enjoy balding,

—————– Original Message —————–

From: Joe Rogan

Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:30 AM

First off, my employees send those out, and if you don’t want them,
get off my list. Second off, you responding to any of those event
requests, and doing it the way you did it, just shows me what a cunt of
a man you are. You don’t like me? That’s great, because you’re
obviously a douche bag, and the opinions of douche bags mean nothing. I
love it when losers like you don’t like me. I like it even more when
they express it. It makes me feel really good about my life when an
insecure fat fuck like yourself takes the time out to email me, because
that just shows me the way your shitty little mind works, and insures
me that you’re always going to be what you are now… a failure.
There’s always gotta be people like you around, because they make
people like me stand out :)

—————– Original Message —————–

From: Kevin

Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:45 AM

hahah, did i strike a nerve or something… you seem a bit testy by
the way, my apologies… I should have shown Joe Rogan MUUUUCH more
respect. Actor? Comedian? Shakespearian extrodinaire… People like you
are the reason that everybody thinks they can make it in Hollywood and
because people like you, anybody can make it into Hollywood… Look at
William Hung. You did kill the Man Show Insecure? I guess we have
something in common because you keep coming back at me… Your career
is about over anyway, do you plan to work at the family hardware store
after that? i’ll be back after your next message to me… I have a bag
of snacky-cakes to eat. I’m behind on my daily quoto. I’m never going
to be as fat as your ego if i have to stop eating and type. ,.. Kevin

—————– Original Message —————–

From: Joe Rogan

Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:49 AM

I only wish this conversation was in real life, so I could see the
nervousness in your fat little face. I enjoy these little email
conversations that I have with haters :) You emailed me and insulted me
because you have a mediocre mind, and that’s the extent of your
capabilities. You trying to insinuate that I’m a loser is even more
hysterical, because I’ve accomplished more in my life than you ever
will if you could live a thousand of your shitty lives.

—————– Original Message —————–

From: Kevin

Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:53 AM

hahahh, Oh really? What is it that you have accomplished, Joe Rogan?

—————– Original Message —————–

From: Joe Rogan

Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:55 AM

Google search me, you fucking failure :)

—————– Original Message —————--

From: Kevin

Date: Mar 2, 2006 8:58 AM

you’re avoiding the question… what have you accomplished

—————– Original Message —————–

From: Joe Rogan Date:

Mar 2, 2006 8:59 AM

That’s my answer, find out yourself.

—————– Original Message —————–

From: Kevin

Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:01 AM

hahah, Joe Rogan… This is the funniest form I have ever seen you
in. You’re only accomplishment, in my memory, is taking a highly
successful show (The Man Show) and running it into the ground merely by
your presence alone. I also don’t think playing second-fiddle to Brooke
Shields is much of an accomplishment.

—————– Original Message —————–

From: Joe Rogan

Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:09 AM

I was never on a show with Brooke Shields. I was however on 2 shows
that made it to syndication, fear factor and newsradio, which means I
never have to worry about money for the rest of my life. Think about
that when you’re getting told what to do by your boss and struggling to
pay your bills. I agree that the man show sucked, but unfortunately
there wasn’t a whole lot I could do about it at the time. I did
however, make a fuck load of money from it, and had the time of my
life. You’re an ugly, fat faced zero, and I’m a famous multi
millionaire. Those are the facts there, dear sweet kevin :)

—————– Original Message —————–

From: Kevin

Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:27 AM

If we are arguing who has more money… YOU WIN!!! I’m sure your
"Well i have more money than you" comeback comes in very resourceful on
a daily basis when people constantly tell you how not-funny you are.
But i’m 20 years old… where were you at age 20 junior college? About
the fat thing… I didn’t realize I was fat, maybe becaue i’m so
insecure, I’ll go purge a few pounds and tell some tabloid that Joe
Rogan made me do it. . . Skinny Hollywood, actually… What is more
pathetic tho… Hollywood actor making poor attempts to insult 20 year
old college student and brag about who has more money because the
college student didn’t think he was funny. And dont’ call me ‘Dear
sweet Kevin." I don’t what type of ‘man show’ you are wanting to make,
but i want no part in it.

—————– Original Message —————–

From: Joe Rogan Date:

Mar 2, 2006 9:35 AM

"What is more pathetic tho… Hollywood actor making poor attempts
to insult 20 year old college student and brag about who has more money
because the college student didn’t think he was funny." Did you forget
how this all got started, fatty? You insulted me, and I let you know
that your opinion means shit. This wasn’t some unprovoked attack by a
bully, it was me defending myself to a hateful little loser.To answer
your question, when I was 20, I was US open tae kwon do champion, and I
was teaching it at Boston University, going to U Mass and thinking
about doing stand up. I WASN’T insulting celebrities and then using my
age as an excuse for why I’ve never accomplished anything. What the
fuck have you ever done, Kevin? Come on, fat boy. Please do tell.

—————– Original Message —————–

From: Kevin

Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:52 AM

obviously you didn’t graduate college or else you would be able to
understand what I am saying. So let me break it down for you
carefully… I am a 20 year old college student… that’s why I have no
money. That’s not my excuse YOU ARE PETHETIC BECAUSE… You continue to
go back and forth with as you put it "a zero." Shoudn’t you be coming
up with "funny" facial expressions for candid photos? It’s also not
like I’m going out of my way to let you know about my "shitless"
oppinions. I’ve never been in a movie, a sitcom, or even a shitty
reality show, so to you I have accomplished nothing. But given less
than a year, I know I could easily come up with a better stand-up
routine than you.

—————– Original Message —————–

From: Joe Rogan

Date: Mar 2, 2006 9:59 AM

Exactly what I thought, you have done NOTHING. I told you what I had
accomplished by the time I was your age, and you have nothing but
excuses and empty boasts. You could come up with a better stand up
routine than me? That’s hilarious. That’s better than anything you
could ever possibly say trying intentionally to be funny. "I’ll show
you! I could so do it if I wanted to!" Blah, fucking blah. You’re
falling apart here, Kevin, and it’s taking you longer and longer to
craft these responses. I’ve seen it happen a million times. There’s
nothing unique about you. You’re a loser, pal. Always have been, always
will be. If you’re lucky you’ll find some sad chick that’s willing to
let you shoot a live round inside of her, and then you’ll have a little
Kevin that you struggle to feed and raise. That’s about the best you’re
ever going to do. And even then, you’ll have to live with the fact that
a guy like me could ALWAYS steal her away from you with minimal effort.
I go "back and forth" with you because it’s fun for me, and because I
enjoy letting retarded douche bags like you know where they really
stand in life.

—————– Original Message —————--

From: Kevin

Date: Mar 2, 2006 10:14 AM

I’ll admit… I’m slowing down. For some reason, even after all of
this, I almost feel like telling you that you’re not as bad of a person
as you are a comedian/actor/TV host … And you know … That may even
be true … but dude … You really do suck at all of the above. You’ve
seen it happen a Million times?… You are probably use to a lot of
people torching you on a regular basis, but I didn’t think the dumb
people would. I thought those &..39;tards were your fans. It
doesn’t take much to understand your humor. Maybe one day i’ll find
that girl to slip my seed in… Until then, Kevin Jr. is a long time
away. To be honest with you, i vented my Joe Rogan frustrations on the
very first simple message that i sent you. Since then, its just been
funny to watch you get so worked up. After all is said, I am still a
loser and have never accomplished anything in my life… but humbled by
it… YOU… have been practicing the art of the loser for quite some
time but for some reason think you are God’s gift to kathy griffen and
Brooke Sheilds… YOU… are also the laughing-stock of Hollywood and
amongst your little sub-culture, everybody thinks you are lame. maybe
that is why you enjoy lashing out against people so much.

—————– Original Message —————–

From: Joe Rogan

Date: Mar 2, 2006 10:28 AM

I enjoy lashing out at people? Are you projecting, fatso? YOU
started this whole thing, and now you’re backed into a corner. I enjoy
responding to assholes, and that’s why we’re having this conversation.
You think I suck at all the things I do? That’s fine with me, because
as I’ve said before, the opinions of a fucking loser like you with no
success to speak of means nothing. I’m the laughing stock of hollywood
amongst my peers? And you know this how? Because in your little shit
bag town of Athens, Ohio all my peers come over to your stinky little
apartment and tell you how much they laugh at me? You got NOTHING, fat
boy. Nothing to say, and nowhere to go. The only reason I’m still going
with this at this point is because I think this is going to make an
interesting blog entry :)