OH… memories…

That wonderful opoening montage, which made me believe that maybe I wouldn’t fall into a dull torpor around 9:30…

The great gay cowboy montage… which made me believe even more that there were hopes for this Oscar broadcast…

Those great Actress campaign ads… but frankly, by then, I’d shot my excitement wad on the amazingly shocking Geisha sweep of Costume and Art Direction! Did no one appreciate the glorious subtelty of .. uh… any of the other movies?

George Clooney’s acceptance speech… in which he riffed onhis own obituary… and I thought “OH YEAH, it’s a new generation of OScars!”””

What an idiot… Oscars, you fooled me again!

ALL of those Musical Numbers… flames burning on the song from Crash with dancers who looked like “night of the living dead”… all of those MONTAGES… what the hell was Yitzhak Perlman doing again???

Ultimately, these Oscars are about as moving as Nicole Kidman’s forehead.

And here comes the typical “remember when movies were really great?” montage, hosted by Jake Geeyllenhalrlrll…

Hey… did you see the Natalie Portman rap on SNL last night?

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