To Whom It May Concern:
Over the course of the past few days, we have received numerous reports, most of which stem from a passage in this news story, indicating that Paris Hilton has herpes. We would like to officially go on record as saying that these rumors are completely and absolutely false.
As our reputation seems to be soiled hourly by members of the press, it seems just cruel to further tarnish our name with sensational hearsay such as this. We aren’t as bad as everyone thinks, and we wish you would all stop making up these lies about us. So, to set the record straight once and for all: WE DO NOT HAVE PARIS HILTON. That’s just disgusting.