While You Were Enjoying The First Day of Spring

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  • Eva_and_tony_1 Sales of the Notorious B.I.G.’s 1994 album "Ready To Die" have been halted after a jury decided it uses illegal samples. It only took 12 years to come to a conclusion, so the judicial system is calling it a success.
  • It’s a boy! for Donald and Melania. The baby is healthy, and is rumored to already be working on his combover.
  • Eva Longoria announced that she had to teach boyfriend Tony Parker how to please her in the bedroom because he’s so sexually inexperienced. And there you have it– the downside to sleeping with Eva Longoria.
  • Daniel Craig is all set to show full fronal nudity in the new James Bond movie. We’ve come a long way from Pussy Galore, haven’t we?
  • The small Italian town of Cernobbio is upset that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt didn’t get married there this weekend. The cultural significance of Cernobbio is now expected to revert back to zero.
  • Tori Spelling’s parents refuse to talk to her. Things just haven’t been the same since Donna Martin graduated.
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