Movie Stars Teach Us So Many Lessons!

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Takelead
Take the Lead
is a new movie in which an idealistic Antonio Banderas must use unconventional teaching methods, his mad hot ballroom moves and steamy Latin looks to get through to a class of violent, unruly inner city youth.  We’re so excited about this cinematic originality that we’ve decided to compile a restrospective list of the things we’ve learned from the countless number of OTHER movies with pretty much the same plot (except this time it’s ballroom dancing – see, different!).  From Sidney Poitier to Mark Harmon to Tom Berenger, we don’t skip a single class (or accept any substitutes):

Blackboard Jungle (1955, starring Glenn Ford and Sidney Poitier)
The Problem: Ford, an order-loving idealist, is forced to use unconventional teaching methods and decency to get through to a class of violent, unruly Fonzie-esque thugs, pot-smoking Beatniks and other gangs of assorted troublemakers, whom he naturally assumes are led by Sidney Poitier aka "the black kid".  All this mayhem is set to the "dangerous" music of Bill Haley’s "Rock Around the Clock".

The Solution: Ford forces students learn about decency, Poitier forces Ford to learn about racial tolerance, and the soundtrack forces America to learn about rock n’ roll (which ironically results in even more youthful indecency).

Summer School (1987, starring Mark Harmon)
The Problem
: Harmon, a beach-bum idealist, is forced to use unconvential teaching methods and booze to get through to a class of violent, unruly flunkies during the summertime (which he was planning to spend partying and getting laid).
The Solution
: Harmon and the kids party and get laid. 

Stand and Deliver (1988, starring Edward James Olmos)
The Problem: Olmos, a moustached Hispanic idealist, is forced to use unconvential teaching methods and his moustache to get through to a class of violent, unruly Hispanic drop-outs, drug dealers and gang members.

The Solution: Olmos’ racial empathy and moustache inspires/frightens the class into becoming some of the top calculus students in the nation.  They get accused of cheating, but in the end the moustache – and class – prevail.

Lean on Me (1989, starring Morgan Freeman)
The Problem: Freeman, an angry black idealist, is forced to use unconvential principaling
methods and physical threats to get through to a school full of violent, unruly drug dealers and gang members.

The Solution: Freeman’s constant assemblies and semi-sociopathic behavior (including almost dropping an overweight, drug-addicted student off the roof of the school) terrorizes the kids, their parents and the school board into locking him up, in fear for their lives.  But in the end, the kids pass their tests and Freeman gets out of jail and retires without killing anybody (we think).


Dangerous Minds
(1995, starring Michelle Pfeiffer)
The Problem: Pfeiffer, a tougher-than-she-looks female idealist, is forced to use unconvential teaching
methods, profanity, karate and a leather jacket to get through to a class of violent, unruly drug dealers and gang members from the "mean" streets of Palo Alto, California.  Coolio, the "Bill Haley of gangsta rap", writes a song about it.

The Solution: Pfeiffer gets the kids to shape up without getting raped.  Coolio gets rich before getting forgotten.


The Substitute
(1996, starring Tom Berenger)
The Problem: Berenger, a mercenary killer idealist, is forced to use
unconvential teaching
methods and whole lot of automatic weapons to get through to a
class of violent, unruly drug dealers and gang members, and avenge the broken kneecap of his girlfriend.

The Solution: Blowing shit up and shooting people. 


187
(1997, starring Samuel L. Jackson)
The Problem: Jackson, a recovering violent crime victim idealist, is forced to use
unconvential teaching
methods, the word "motherf**ker" and a crossbow with morphine-dipped arrows to get through to a
class of violent, unruly drug dealers and gang members.

The Solution: What usually happens when you push Samuel L. Jackson too far.  I know a few airline-travelling snakes that better take note.


The Substitute 2: School’s Out
(1998, starring Treat Williams)
The Substitute 3: Winner Takes It All (1999, starring Treat Williams)
The Substitute 4: Failure Is Not An Option (2001, starring Treat Williams)
The Problem: Tom Berenger was not available to reprise his role as a mercenary killer idealist forced to use
unconvential teaching
methods and whole lot of automatic weapons to get through to a
class of violent, unruly drug dealers and gang members (even though school is out, the winner takes it all and failure is not an option).

The Solution: Treat Williams

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