Let’s Talk About Sex, Babies


March was my favorite month of the year. Why? Because it was Talk To Your Kids About Sex month. Now, even though talking to kids about sex is the reason I’m no longer allowed to visit 8 of our nation’s 50 states, I happen to think it’s an incredibly important thing. ESPECIALLY when you relate it to television characters who’ve lost their virginity on the boob tube over the years. Lucky for me EW is all over it.

Here’s a photo gallery of some of our favorite TV characters along with the tales of how they lost it. And by ‘it’ I mean their virginity. Click below to find out what I learned about TV character sex last month, and what I’ll be passing on to the youth of America next year (if I’m allowed near them, that is.)

[thanks to our pal Worker #3116 for the link]

1. Donna Martin and David Silver– Donna held out for seven years, resisting the urge to succomb to her 90210 pals’ peer pressure or to Brian Austin Green’s wonderfully proportional soul patch. She finally caved in, and much to the dismay of Creator Aaron Spelling and straight guys everywhere who dreaded the thought of picturing her naked, handed her viginity to B.A.G. Which it’s believed he then went to rap about on his album One Stop Carnival.
Lesson Learned: Brian Austin Green released a rap album. Never forget this.

2. Buffy and Angel– Buffy took a break from slaying vampires to sleep with one in a Very Special Episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. When they woke up in the morning (after what can only be assumed was the best night of Angel’s life afterlife, the one-time sensitive and kind bloodsucker was now an evil soulless monster.
Lesson Learned: Vampires have a lot in common with most of my single male friends.

3. Seth and Summer– These two bumped uglies for the first time on the Valentines Day episode of the OC’s first season. That didn’t take long, did it? Well, maybe they should’ve waited a little while. It sucked. Historically bad. And the worst part: they were sober. There’s no excuse.
Lesson Learned: Drink before you have sex. That way you can justify your performance by blaming it on the booze.

4. Pacey and his Hot Teacher — The first season of Dawson’s Creek was the opposite of reality TV and more surreal than a house filled with D-List celebrities on VH1. There were two things I just wasn’t willing to accept: 1) Was I really supposed to believe that James VanDerBeek had his pick of Michele Williams and Katie Holmes? And 2) Did they expect me to go along with Joshua Jackson and his god-given ability to nail his superhot teacher? The answer: I was and they did. And I didn’t.
Lesson Learned: Move to Capeside. Anything can happen.

5.  Angela Chase and Jordan Catalano — It took a few episodes, but before the end of the (only) season, Angela finally got what she wanted on My So Called Life: She was alone with Jordan Catalano and they were ready to get it on. But then, something bizarre happened. They didn’t. He got upset and she remained a virgin. And that’s how it ends.
Lesson Learned: Put out or your show will be cancelled. Deal with it.

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