SIZZLER: Katie’s Post-Modern Birth

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So far, Katie Holmes pregnancy has been increasingly surreal, packed with over-enthusiastic smiles, questionable stomach bumps, personal sonograms and promises of a an absolutely silent birth. But according to Tom’s directorial vision,  this birth still isn’t David Lynch-y enough.

So with his obscure eye for social commentary, Cruise has decided to stuff the pre-natal Holmes not only with loads of spicy Indian food but also with an adult sized pacifier (and we don’t mean Vin Diesel). Just imagine the haunting image of Katie in a noise-reduction chamber,  chewing on a curry-flavored pacifier, surrounded by Scientologist handmaidens. Now if he could just get some embryos to fall from the ceiling (a la Eraserhead) the birth of little Cruise Jr, could be canonized in college level film classes everywhere.

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