While You Were Putting Neosporin on the Nick Benji Madden Gave You

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  • Benji Madden earns the right to his hardcore tattoos and piercings when he gets into a barroom brawl. Just don’t tell anyone it was at the Misshapes where his sparring partner was probably a guy with a $400 haircut and the muscle-bulk of a twig.
  • Dina Lohan throws a hissy fit in a nightclub bathroom. But hardworking bathroom attendant still hands her a towel when she’s done.
  • Prince Harry was made an officer today. Still not yet made a man, though.
  • Paris Hilton faints at a Las Vegas Airport.  Sounds like a classic case of celebrity exhaustion to me.
  • Natalie Portman is being stalked Gawker-style by the blog Jaunted. Looks like blog-stalking is the new hiding out in the bushes in a mental ward hospital gown.
  • David Krumholz, the star of the math crime show Numbers, will co-star with Michelle Williams in the new Woody Allen movie. Allen guaranteed to flood box office with all three Numbers viewers.