While You Were Wishing You Were Stephen Colbert



  • The US Supreme Court ruled in favor of Anna Nicole Smith in the case of The Power of Her Large Wonderful Breasts vs. Their Ability To Think Rationally About the Issues at Hand. They ain’t sayin’ she’s a gold-digger.
  • Shaquille O’Neal and his wife welcomed a new daughter into the world. The baby, who weighed 187 pounds and was six and half feet long, has already taken its first steps, signed its first endorsement deal and tied the NBA record for rebounds in a single game.
  • Hacky director Brett Ratner got totally busted by Lindsay Lohan when she showed up unannounced and found him in bed with girlfriend Alina Puscau. Guess someone didn’t tell Lindsay that After the Sunset this Family Man and his Red Dragon like to have The Last Stand during a Rush(ed) Hour of sex with the model girlfriend he forgot to mention. Puns are awesome.
  • Rush Limbaugh, arrested this weekend on drug charges, is becoming the Pete Doherty of conservative radio talk show hosts.
  • Speaking of Pete Doherty, the troubled singer is claiming the recent photo depicting him injecting a needle into the arm of a passed out woman was “staged” and a “misunderstanding”. Yeah, media – did you guys ever stop to think that when he’s not getting high on smack, Pete spends his time giving free blood tests to people on kitchen floors? Huh?
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