It’s Tom Cruise Takes Manhattan Day!


kingkong.jpgLast week we leaked Tom Cruise’s exclusive itinerary for today’s full-blown land, air and sea assault on our lovely New City of York. However, we’ve now received word that, because these plans have become so public, Tom has altered his route and schedule. Not to worry, though – we have also obtained his new itinerary, presented below:

2:30pm Arrive @ Rawhide Bar in Chelsea
212 8th Avenue
New York, NY

3-5pm Auditing and Cleansing @ Church of Scientology Celebrity Center
65 E. 82nd Street
New York, NY

5:30pm Arrive @ Scores Gentlemen’s Club to Re-Assert His Heterosexual Love of Women
333 E. 60th St.
New York, NY

6pm “Do the Cruise” on Top of Hummer Limosine All the Way Down Broadway Avenue
Broadway from 60th Street to 34th Street
New York, NY

6:45pm Arrival @ and Subsequent Scaling of Empire State Building, On Top of Which He Will Jump Up and Down While Batting Away Battle Planes
350 5th Avenue
New York, NY

This is your mission, should you choose to accept it.

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