While You Were Planning Your Own Impossible Mission

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  • Erik Estrada and Loni Anderson will star in a new reality show where they tackle the jobs their famous characters played on TV. Estrada will work as a cop; Anderson an idiot.
  • Donna D’Errico has filed for divorce from her husband of 9 years, Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx. Friends say Sixx is excited about the opportunity to sleep with other women again. Openly.
  • Tests have revealed that Keith Richards suffered a small brain hemorrhage as a result of falling out of a coconut tree in Fiji. The test results shocked doctors, as they had assumed Richards ran out of blood and was running purely on heroin since the early 1980′s.
  • Elma G. “Pem” Farnsworth, the first person to ever appear on television, passed away last week. But don’t worry– she’s been practicing rolling over in her grave for years.
  • Teri Hatcher says Ryan Seacrest ended their relationship after their third date. He broke the news to her gently, but ruined the whole thing by signing off with a “Seacrest, Out!”
  • Mexican President Vicente Fox will reportedly sign a bill that makes cocaine, heroin, LSD, marijuana, PCP, and opium legal in Mexico. In a related story, Courtney Love is moving to Mexico.