CELEBRITY TRANSLATOR: Lohan In Translation

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lohandumb1.jpgDespite what those liars at Us Weekly might tell you, celebrities are in fact nothing like us. They’re more like cosmic beings with a mysterious language understandable only to their own kind, which is why your friends here at BWE will employ our patented Celebrity Translator Technology to enlighten you with the real meaning of the Words of the Stars. This week, Lindsay Lohan is doing her best publicity full-court press, giving interviews to anyone who’ll have her. The following translations come from this Q&A with the Coming Soon website – be sure to read all the translations after the jump!

LOHAN, regarding why she chose to join the cast of Prarie Home Companion: “Would you turn down a movie that Robert Altman was directing and Meryl Streep was playing your mother in? I wouldn’t recommend it if you wouldn’t say yes.”

TRANSLATION: “I didn’t know who those people were, but my agent recommended that I say yes.”

LOHAN, regarding her newfound love of “indie” roles: “In “Georgia Rule”, my character, she plays this girl she was molested by her stepfather. And Garry Marshall is doing it and it’s a dark comedy, but I feel like people will always be judgmental.”

TRANSLATION: “I can’t sucker teenage girls into the theaters with re-heated Freddie Prinze Jr. plotlines forever, and if I want to keep being famous I’m going to have to trick people into thinking I’m actually a real actress, which I will do by taking some melodramatic Sundance role where all sorts of f*cked up stuff happens to me and I have to cry a lot.”

LOHAN, regarding the nature of her relationship with co-star Meryl Streep: “More of a friends relationship rather than… her daughters are there all the time and one is my age, one is older and one’s younger. They’re really sweet. Everyone, the whole cast went to dinner every single night. We had nothing else really to do.”

TRANSLATION: “Since we were in this boring redneck town, I just got wasted with her daughters every night and now Meryl hates me.”

LOHAN, regarding her forthcoming film Bobby: “The movie’s beautiful. I mean, it’s beautiful.”

TRANSLATION: “No, what I mean is, pay to go see the movie.”

LOHAN, regarding her Bobby co-stars she doesn’t actually have scenes with: “I know that Demi Moore, Anthony Hopkins and I are going to go and promote it so that’s an honor.”

TRANSLATION: “I can’t believe I’m going to be doing a press junket with an Academy Award winner like Bob Hoskins. Also, I hope Demi lets me hang out with Ashton!”

LOHAN, regarding Chapter 27, her forthcoming film about John Lennon’s assassin: “It’s a very touchy subject and no one wanted me to do the movie that works with me. Just because John Lennon is a legend, was, God rest his soul.”

TRANSLATION: “Nobody wants me to disrespect John Lennon because he’s a legend. But I don’t think he’s really a legend anymore. More like he WAS a legend cause, I mean, he’s like been dead for a long time now.”

LOHAN, regarding her meeting with Yoko Ono: “We’re both wearing all black because I was like I need to wear something that Yoko would [sanction]. And we went and had sushi and she was so sweet and just amazing in the things that she had to say.”

TRANSLATION: “Seriously, I’m a hopeless idiot who has lived such a sheltered and superficial life that I’m actually becoming the human embodiment of the very ignorance and vapidity John Lennon so famously resented. Also, I think Japanese people only eat sushi.”

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