While You Were Being Saved By Saved By the Bell

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  • To no one’s surprise, but to everyone’s utter letdown, it looks like Star Jones will be leaving The View. Our only hope for good estrogen-enriched television now lies in the shaking, nervous hands of the only other worthy adversary for the venmous bile of Rosie O’DonnellJoy “The Jackyl” Behar.
  • I didn’t even know Dennis Quaid was suing the makers of Brokeback Mountain. Was there a deleted scene in which Jack and Ennis visit The Alamo, and end up having a steamy three-way with Sam Houston?
  • Keef Richards is reportedly “up and talking” after his recent brain surgery. He apparently keeps demanding the bedside nurse pour “a spot of rum punch” into his morphine drip.
  • So to re-cap: David Blaine hung out in a tank of water for a week with the aid of feeding and waste tubes, then almost drowned. Ooooh, magical!
  • In case you missed last night’s series finale of 7th Heaven, all you need to know about how things wrapped up are these five words: drug-fueled, Satan-worshipping orgy.