BWE Didn’t Start the Firecrotch

|

billyjoelvideopic.JPGWell, it’s been over a week since Brandon Davis delivered the disgusting diatrabe that would send the phrase ‘firecrotch’ flaming into the pop culture heavens, and we know you’re as sick of it as we are.

The firecrotch phenomenon was fun while it lasted – internet parodies, a confrontational superfan (who we interviewed), celebrity imitations, inevitable T-shirts, unnecessary comparisons, and endless amounts of lame ‘fire’ puns, some of which are sprinkled throughout this post. But even the most ridicule-rich stories must come to an end, which is why I have decided to stomp out the dying embers of the firecrotch by writing the Obligatory Theme Song summarizing the scandal, which is always the nail in the coffin of any pop culture phenomenon. So here it is (and consider yourselves lucky we didn’t actually record it):

“BWE Didn’t Start the Firecrotch”

(Words by Yours Truly/Music by the one and only Billy Joel)

Brandon Davis, Hyde Nightclub, bloated hier, way too drunk,
Paris Hilton, paparazzi, caught on video.
Lindsay Lohan, seven million, feuding starlet, red-haired vixen,
Boyfriend Crazy, Pissed off Paris, Uh-uh bitch hell no.
Hollywood, catfight, talking shit, socialites,
Brandon, soaked in scotch, decides to kick it up a notch,
Really vulgar, horrible, discussing Lindsay’s genitals,
length of clitoris, freckled orgasms, don’t forget ‘firecrotch’.

BWE didn’t start the firecrotch.
It just started burning,
and our wheels got turning.
BWE didn’t start the firecrotch.
Though we once enjoyed it,
it’s gotten annoying.

TMZ tape, gossip blogs, tabloid and media calls,
Making statements, blaming cellphones, PR Nightmare.
Outrage, hilarity, endless online parodies,
Lindsay’s fan takes revenge on the oily-haired oil heir.
Never-ending, overkill, it’s really not that big a deal,
Spoiled rich kids, pointless fights, in LA its just another night.
Firecrotch, silly phrase, not the first time its been said,
Make it stop, let’s move on, the Brandon Davis horse is dead!

BWE didn’t start the firecrotch.
It just started burning,
and our wheels got turning.
BWE didn’t start the firecrotch.
Though we once enjoyed it,
it’s gotten annoying.