This is for all of you who have been dying for some answers about the true story of how Shiloh Nouvel Pitt-Jolie, Brangelina’s only begotten
son daughter, came into the world:
One day about
2000 years ago 9 months ago, an Angel of the Lord Agent of the CAA called Gabriel Ari told Mary Angelina Jolie she would have a very special baby that she should call Jesus Shiloh. Mary Angelina married boned Joseph Brad Pitt and took him to Bethlehem Namibia so they could pay their taxes a self-affirming visit to poor people. Mary Angelina was expecting to have her baby very soon.
Mary and Joseph Brangelina arrived in Bethlehem Namibia, there were no rooms left in the Inns luxury hotels because the town was very busy poor. They were worried because they had nowhere to sleep become accustomed to a more luxurious way of life and Mary Angelina was tired because the journey had been long and dusty she’d spent the last two months visiting the entire third world. She felt sore from riding on a donkey their private jet.
a kind innkeeper the Namibian government said they could find shelter in a manger a mansion, where animals like sheep paparazzi were kept overnight forcibly at a distance to stop them from straying taking pictures. Mary Angelina knew the baby would be born soon, so she was very glad to be able to rest in the manger mansion, which was a small room like a cellar sprawling compound far from the Inn the prying eyes of unwanted photographers. It was strewn with straw for the animals bodyguards and the animals bodyguards made friends with Mary and Joseph Brangelina, who settled down for the night next few months as best they could. In the night After what seemed like an eternity, Mary Angelina had her baby and called him her Jesus Shiloh Nouvel Pitt-Jolie, just like the angel agent told them they should.
It was a very
starry night slow news day and the local shepherds paparazzi were looking after their sheep in the fields for a way to get the scoop on the story. The Angel of the Lord Official Press Release told them Jesus Shiloh was born and that he would be a Saviour of men valuable photograph. So as soon as they heard about the birth of Jesus Shiloh, they hurried to see Mary and Joseph Brangelina to wonder at Jesus if the camera-shy bastards would finally come out of hiding. Mary and Joseph Brangelina put baby Jesus Shiloh in some swaddling clothes specially-designed Marc Jacobs onesies so he she was wrapped up warm and snug. Then they put some straw for a bed in a small wooden manger made an exclusive first-look photo deal with a tabloid magazine that animals bored housewives fed from and put Jesus Shiloh inside it. A very bright great star Star Magazine photo shoot shone over the manger mansion and they were all covered in light.
3 Kings from the East gossip bloggers from the States followed the star story. The 3 kings bloggers were wise men people with computers, and the great bright star endless news coverage helped them find their way to Jesus write post after post about a birth they in fact knew almost nothing about. The 3 kings bloggers were on their camels laptops and made a very grand sight lot of semi-clever jokes.
3 kings bloggers took Jesus Shiloh gifts of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh Snark, Ridicule and Obsession. These were very valuable gifts in those days standard ways of making something like a celebrity birth seem somehow important. Gold Snark could be used to buy lampoon things, and the frankincense and myrrh alternating ridicule and obsession were used for medicine and perfume keeping readers interested. Jesus Christ Shiloh Nouvel Pitt-Jolie was the Son Daughter of God some movie stars, and grew will grow up to be a very special man indeed trainwreck of a human being, in all likelihood.
This story is the real story of why we celebrate
Christmas celebrity today.
(Original text taken from ‘The Nativity Story‘)