While You Were Coping With Paris Hilton’s Music

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  • When somebody put on Paris’ new single during a recent party at Caesar’s Palace, sister Nicky Hilton did exactly what all of us would do – grabbed the nearest bottle of Grey Goose and drank until the sounds of sluttiness were drowned in vodka.
  • If anything can re-build the bridge of friendship between Lindsay and Paris after the “firecrotch” debacle, it is the hypnotic beauty of Karl Lagerfeld’s plastic face.
  • Baseball announcer and 80′s sitcom star Bob Uecker filed a restraining order against his stalker. The Englishman who played Mr. Belvedere defended his actions, claiming he was just trying to “catch up” with his old co-star when he was caught outside Uecker’s home, and that he was only masturbating because “he was bored”.
  • If you just can’t wait to find out who are this year’s winners of the only awards more irrelevant than “World’s Greatest Grandpa”, the annual Jim Carrey Appreciation Night MTV Movie Awards results are available here. But you’ll still have to wait until Thursday to find out who will win the coveted trophy for “most blatant and awkward attention-whoring publicity stunt”.
  • If there’s one thing we learned about Brangelina’s Namibity, it’s that many African nations are plagued by abject poverty and suffering. If there are two things we learned, it’s that “Namibia Is For Lovers”. Now you can remember the latter lesson forever by getting one of these fetching T-shirts.