SIZZLER: Get Rich Or Divorced Tryin’

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kevinFinsuit.jpgAccording to The Sun, Britney Spears is furious after discovering that husband Kevin Federline is working on making a film about his life. The report goes on to say that K-Fed is planning to portray himself in a similar fashion as his idol and inspiration Eminem did in 8 Mile, which is undoubtedly his all-time favorite movie. While we can only hope this genius piece of cinema makes its way to theaters very soon, your friends here at BWE have managed to obtain a segment from an early draft of the screenplay, which was written by K-Fed himself and is tentatively titled “Fresno F*cking Around”. See it for yourselves after the jump!

EXT. FRESNO SUBURBS – DAY

FEVIN KEDERLINE, our muscular, handsome, dope-ass 25 year-old hero, walks down the mean streets of the Fresno ghetto. He passes an Olive Garden, a Red Lobster, two Starbuckses, and some other hard-core sh*t like that. He’s smoking a Newport and strolling along like a straight-up pimp. Suddenly, a low-riding Impala pulls up, bumping. The doors open and two men step out – it’s BIGGIE SMALLS and TUPAC SHAKUR. They ain’t dead, and they want to have a rap battle with F-Ked. He has no choice but to participate.

FEVIN: Sup, homies. Wha’chall want?

TUPAC: You Fevin Kederline?

FEVIN: Ya heard.

BIGGIE: We wanna challenge yo’ rap skills.

FEVIN: Nah, y’all bitches ain’t worthy.

TUPAC pulls out a gat and points it at FEVIN.

TUPAC: We worthy now, motherf*cker?

FEVIN calmly finishes his Newport, flicks it onto the ground in front of the two rap legends, and busts into a straight fire freestyle, dropping razor-sharp rhymes and punking them bitches all upside they head. His words are genius and vicious, and BIGGIE and PAC can’t to nuttin’ but stare in awe. (AUTHORS NOTE: I’ll have someone write these genius lyrics later on. Just know that it’s RAW.) When Fevin finally finishes his freestyle, there’s only silence in the air.

TUPAC: You’re the master.

BIGGIE: Can we kiss your chain, master?

FEVIN holds out his iced out (cubic zirconia) necklace and the two rappers bend to a knee to kiss it.

FEVIN: You may rise. Yo, I gotta get up outta here. My shift at Blockbuster fiddin’ to start.

TUPIC: We ain’t never gon’ forget this, yo.

FEVIN: Word. Peace, y’all.

He struts off into the sunset, then takes a right at the 7-11 to get a Big Gulp before he punches in at the video store.

END OF SCENE.

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