Anyone who’s ever stood at a Baskin-Robbins counter and agonized over which of their delicious ice cream flavors to select knows exactly what Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are feeling right now as they ponder what race of baby they should next adopt to “balance out” their growing family of assorted children. Their current inventory consists of an Ethiopian, a Cambodian, and a Celebritarian – so let’s take a look at some of their future options and see if we can’t help them select the perfect flavor of baby for them to scoop up:
Mexican – As adorable as they are hard-working, many Latin-American infants are born into the same deplorable poverty as even the neediest of Africa’s needy children – so why shouldn’t they be getting the same celebrity parental aid? And with the US government tightening up immigration laws, it’s only gonna get harder for these kids to enjoy the freedom and comforts of life on the “greener grass” side of the border. Besides, if they don’t work out as children they’ll still work pretty hard “helping out” around the house.
Middle Eastern – With the growing insurgency in Iraq and anti-American sentiment in other parts of the Middle East, Brangelina could accomplish more for US foreign relations with a single adopted baby than the Bush Administration could with and an endless amount of money with which they could try buying back their dignity?
Midget – Let’s face it, midgets are cute and people love them. If nothing else, it would probably be a lot of laughs.
Eskimo – Oh my god, could you get any more adorable? With the little fur around their face, and the Native-American features? Who cares if they’re neither poor nor in need of rescuing? These little guys are simply too cute NOT to take away from their biological parents!
Test Tube Alien – What’s good enough for TomKat should be good enough for Brangelina.