While You Were Watching Danza Reruns (sniff)

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  • James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful song brings a girl out of a coma. But for every one person he wakes, he puts another 500 in a coma.
  • Katie Couric’s absence from The Today Show hasn’t hurt its ratings. And it’s done wonders for the general vibe of the office.
  • Bruce Willis sues paparazzi who claims the star attacked him. And if a lawsuit doesn’t scare him, maybe this fist will.
  • Vince Vaughn invited parents to a nude sex shoot with Aniston. To help with the chemistry.
  • Jeremy Piven tells Cubs fans to “Hug it out, you little bitches.” Also says it to taxi driver, rabbi, talk show host, dog and anyone who doesn’t recognize him.
  • Pete Doherty fined for cocaine use. That should scare him straight.