While You Were Pouring Out a 401k For Ken Lay

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  • Justin Timberlake has a new track out on the Internets. It’s not bad, but I’m sure that right now Britney Spears is somewhere in Malibu, thanking her lucky stars that she ended up with the mastermind behind “PopoZao” instead of that talentless Timberlake hack.
  • Russell Crowe apparently stopped punching people long enough to hop onto the Hollywood baby bandwagon (procreation – it’s so hot right now). I’ll never understand what exactly qualifies a celebrity baby for media obsession, but the dude won an Oscar and everything – the least you could do is pretend to care about seeing “exclusive” pictures of the kid.
  • Lindsay Lohan freaked out on some paparazzi before sobering up long enough to realize that they’re really the only reason she’s still famous, at which point she was so overcome with guilt that she offered them beers. And once again, life comes full circle and balance in the universe is restored.
  • Nicky Hilton has decided to get into the family business that isn’t prostitution. But no matter what happens, she always has that as a fall-back.
  • Is Vinnifer ever going to get married? If they did, what would Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and Regis Philbin think about it? Do you think their wedding vows would be funny? And most importantly, now that their movie has come and gone, is it finally okay to stop caring?
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