While You Were Getting Penalty Kicked in the Nuts

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  • A British shopgirl came dangerously close to getting a jewel-encrusted Nokia in the face after failing to recognize Naomi Campbell, then daring to accuse the phone-wielding supermodel of credit card fraud.
  • Natalie Portman is apparently planning to once again allow herself to be filmed nude. What this means is she will be appear naked on film, but after said film has been developed, processed and edited into the movie for which it was shot, Portman will once again will chicken out and demand its removal from the final cut.
  • Robert Downey Jr. has a drug problem magical powers.
  • Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy are reportedly “getting serious”. Translation: Jim Carrey is tired of doing “Fire Marshal Bill” impressions every time he wants to have sex with her.
  • Do you know who The Hoff is? Well, you’d f*cking better.