While You Were Pirating Pirates

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  • Tom Cruise’s spokesperson is begging the media to give Tom, Katie & “Suri” their privacy. Though the quotes around “Suri” are mine, not theirs.
  • Jessica Simpson says her ideal man is Brad Pitt in the movie “Fight Club.” Which I think means that her ideal man would actually just be a figment of Ed Norton’s imagination. Deep.
  • Jaime Pressly says Paris Hilton, Cindy Crawford and Elle MacPherson should all give up acting. Thank God we have legitimate actresses like Poison Ivy III‘s Jaime Pressly dictating who should do what in Hollywood.
  • Paris Hilton doesn’t have many friends left because so many of them have betrayed her by selling stories to the media. Not because she’s a horrible, manipulative, unlikeable c**t. That has nothing to do with it– it’s their fault.
  • The Orange County band Supernova has filed a complaint against Mark Burnett’s reality show Rock Star: Supernova. The band was absolutely stunned that somebody else was able to come up with such an original name.