Bad News For Texas Teens Who Want to Shine

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Several major schoolboards in Texas have officially banned students from wearing any sort of mouth jewelry, which is a white person way of saying “icy grillz”. Made popular by rapper Paul Wall, and recently sported by the Hulkster’s daughter Brooke Hogan, icy grillz are a classy way for people to improve their smiles by covering all of their teeth with what appears to be precious metals and expensive stones. Not only does the shiny jewelry make your smile sparkle even brighter, it suggests to others that you are financially sucessful enough to wear expensive jewelry in places that people hadn’t even considered possible. Why the Texas schools would elect to outlaw these accessories is a mystery to me. If anything, I think icy grillz would only motivate students to work harder and learn more so that someday they might get a good job and be able to afford dental jewelry of their own. Also, with all the violence in schools these days, icy grillz might be able to protect students should they get punched in the mouth (perhaps by someone who thinks icy grillz are retarded). The good news is even though icy grillz have been outlawed, students are still free to bring the bling by wearing chains, rings, ropes, watches, earrings and canes. Goblets are also acceptable, as long as they’re not filled with crunk juice.

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