This might be the greatest news I’ve gotten all day. Apparently The Hoff is planning on producing and starring in a Broadway show simply entitled David Hasselhoff: the Musical, which the Hoff has described as “a heart-rendering set on my life and the mistakes I have made”. I didn’t even know the Hoff was capable of making mistakes! But in all sincerity, not even Charlie Kaufman could have come up with an idea so absurdly brilliant as the story of the Hoff’s battles with alcoholism and fame set to the swinging sounds of Teddy Pendergrass (that part’s not a joke). But why stop at musicals? Now that I think about it, there should pretty much be an official David Hasselhoff everything – the breakfast cereal, the video game, the cable network, the action figure (empty bottle of Jameson accessory sold seperately).