CINEMA’S GOLDEN AGE: Crockett & Nards

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miamivice.jpg1. Even without bringing back neon pastel suits, rolled up sleeves, Don Johnson or anything else remotely awesome about the original, Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx barely manage to eek past Pirates, which must have been difficult since the swashbuckling juggernaut has been out for, oh, about a month now – $25.2 million

2. I hope the enormous box office success of this sea-faring blockbuster means one day that Hollywood might just have Johnny Depp start playing every role in all of his movies. Then I’d finally get to see him do Fear and Loathing on a Carnival Cruise Line: Captain Jack Meets Dr. Gonzo$20.5 million

3. John Moviegoer Must Not Care, but it is nice to see the Hollywood Writer’s Guild giving equal opportunities to the mentally handicapped, even if that does mean hacky Christian Slater-less rip-offs of Heathers$14.1 million

4. I don’t really know much about this movie, but the truth is it doesn’t matter because I already know everything I need to about monsters: Wolfman does indeed “got nards”$11.5 million

5. After A Bug’s Life, Antz, The Ant Bully and Just My Luck, it would seem that Hollywood has a huge obsession with making kids movies about repulsive pests – $8.1 million