While You Were Busy Blaming Jews for the American Revolution…

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  • Pamela Anderson calls her weekend wedding to Kid Rockthe most romantic wedding of all-time.” Stay tuned for the video footage on Cinemax tonight at around 1 a.m.
  • Fire broke out on the set of the new James Bond thriller Casino Royale. While the cause is still unknown, authorities are leaning towards the fire in Daniel Craig‘s trousers.
  • Cameron Diaz admits that she enjoys playing her animated character Fiona in the Shrek films, because it doesn’t matter how bad her skin gets or how skinny she is. So that explains why Justin Timberlake masturbates to Looney Tunes.
  • The press interviews Brad Pitt‘s grandmother, who reveals that the star won’t marry until he is over his divorce of ex-wife Jennifer Aniston. She also reveals that Brad hates the Starlight mints she steals from her pinochle night, and that even the great-grandmothers of saviors suffer from incontinence.
  • Eddie Van Halen will be composing the score for a new adult film (that’s porno, not Holocaust drama) called Sacred Sin. Not reported but assumed, David Lee Roth dusts off his “bomp-a-chick-a-wow” machine and prays for his own future.
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